18+: Uncensored Ramblings

Warning!: Adult Content - May Contain Bollocks

While I've kept most of the site family friendly, there are occasions when I need to vent my spleen. There's nothing stopping you from backing away right now if swearing offends you. So if you'd rather do a bit of knitting and have a nice cup of Earl Grey than put up with a bit of 'colourful language' (whatever that means), you should fuck off now!

pip stumpyHear me roar!


Photo Walk Inspired by Monaxle's Arrest

Local photographer, Monaxle, was arrested in Chatham High Street on 8th July 2009 for taking photographs, being too tall and for exercising his right to not provide his personal details. Inspired by his arrest, Medway Eyes has organised a photo walk to highlight the value of social documentary and street photography and photographers' rights. Details of the photo walk can be found here.

11/08/09

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I've Always Thought I Belonged In A Museum

So it's getting a bit embarrassing. I've been interviewed. Again. Andy Export, Medway music legend and front-man of Unlucky Fried Kitten, has interviewed the husband and myself for the Medway Music Museum. Click here.

15/06/09

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An Interview

I was recently flattered to find out from a young, and rather good, photographer that I have been an inspiration to her. When asked by her photography tutor at college to find out about a documentary photographer, she chose to interview little me. I've never been a good influence before, so here it is:

How did you first get into photography?

I got my first camera, a Miranda point and shoot, when I was 10 years old. My Dad was hooked on photography and taught me the basics, but I ended up using his old Nikon and Olympus SLRs more than I used my own camera. I read the manuals from cover to cover, but nothing prepares you better for using a camera than throwing yourself in at the deep end. My Dad was a rule-breaker; the most important thing he taught me was that a manual was a technical aid that would NOT help me to take a good photo. I thought he was mad, but he was right. We should expect to master the machine, after all, man made the machine. But what a camera doesn't have is an eye for a picture. It cannot decide for itself what is worthy of photographing. Only we can do that. That's what makes photography a human endeavour rather than a scientific one.

Have you always been interested in documentary photography?

Yes, since childhood. Documentary photography has always moved me. One of the first, and most potent, documentary shots I saw was Vietnam Napalm by Nick Ut; a photo of a naked girl, about the same age as I was at the time, running from a napalm attack during the Vietnam war. It remains the most powerful image I have ever seen and still makes me cry.

I find people infinitely more fascinating than landscapes or flower macros, but engaging with people is becoming increasingly difficult. I find that, in general, they are deeply suspicious of my motives. They are captured on CCTV cameras possibly several times a day, but mine is the camera they want to avoid. It is difficult to capture this avoidance and suspicion in a still shot. But I am grateful that the opportunity to take a shot like Nick Ut's has never arisen for me. I don't know whether I'd have the guts to take it.

What is it that inspires you to do documentary photography?

I find the human condition inspiring; the way we live, how we cope with horrors and joys, our awareness of our own mortality. For me, living in Medway is very much a part of who I am; it's impossible to pound the streets for years looking for a picture without growing to love a place. I belong to Medway and Medway belongs to me. I guess I want to document that, celebrate my time here; no big wars, no era-defining shots, just everyday life for the people that make Medway what it is. Combining photography with my passion for local music has enabled me to document the artistic side of Medway; a vibrant creative uprising in a town damaged by industrial decline.

Was there ever a specific photographer you looked up to?

I love the work of Bill Brandt. It's so varied; some shots candid and others set up, some sharp and others soft, some misty and some high contrast. He had compassion for his subjects, many of whom were working class or living in poverty; the captions to his photographs are not those of an objective observer, but from a man who felt deeply the pain and suffering of others, and who felt almost responsible for their condition; a sense of social responsibility for the failings of the government.

I love the work of Henri Cartier-Bresson too, and he is the author of one of my favourite quotes, "We photographers deal in things which are continually vanishing, and when they have vanished there is no contrivance on earth can make them come back again. We cannot develop and print a memory." I've always felt there's something very special about a photograph; it can show the passage of time, the ebb and flow of life, the changing of the seasons, and it can capture continuity and change in a way that other art forms cannot.

In real life, I greatly admire a photographer called Eric Hands. He has inspired and encouraged me and been a good friend. His work spans several decades and includes a series of photos from his time working for Private Eye, many years ago when Peter Cook was the editor. Finally, I can't under-estimate the influence of my husband, Phil Dillon, on my photography. When I rediscovered my passion for photography a few years ago, I learned quickly. This steep learning curve was due, in part, to watching his mistakes and his progress. He is a rule breaker too. I'm not sure whether that's what drew me to him or whether it's my own bad influence; my Dad's legacy rubbing off from me to him. Either way, I'm grateful to all the photographers in my life, young and old, who have the capacity to change my view of the world. Learning to see things differently is what being a photographer is all about.

Is documentary photography your favourite type of photography?

I think it probably is. I enjoy the freedom of it. I'm not a fan of striving for the perfectly sharp shot. Sometimes the ambiguity is what makes an image; gives it its own life. I would sooner set a long exposure and have blur than use flash and get a blown-out shot with the atmosphere sucked out of it. Documentary photography allows for blur and other perceived imperfections because it is supposed to be a reflection of the movement of real life and, of course, real life happens everywhere and it doesn't slow down just because I'm holding a camera. And that is the real freedom it holds for me.

Acutely aware as I am of time passing and my own mortality, it is in documentary photography that I seek a sense of nostalgia and security. I think we all do. In the words of Ray Davies (The Kinks), "People take pictures of each other, to prove that they really existed". Deep down, I'm terrified I'll be forgotten unless I can prove that I was here. It's sheer vanity to think in this way. Who am I to demand that others remember me? I am nobody. And I am everybody. I am the elusive human condition that I seek to capture.

Thanks to Isabelle White.

10/06/09

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Mama's got a brand new toy

Well, I got my Lomo Fisheye 2 for my birthday a couple of weeks ago. It's a beautiful looking little thing - all black and silver and shiny. It's got a detachable viewfinder which doesn't really help when taking photos, but it gives a lovely bubblicious view of the world when you peek through it. I've tried a few tricks already. I did a double exposure by taking one photo the right way up, rewinding the film, then taking another shot upside-down on the same frame. Everything you take on it comes out in a circle and gives the impression that you're looking through a telescope. And because it's a Lomo camera and I've been using out of date film, the colours are intense and wild.


Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

10/06/09

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MySpace Blog

I wrote a blog for Medway Eyes on MySpace about the Regeneration of Medway and the general stench emanating from the council's pockets. You can view it here.

02/05/09

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Supplying Alcohol to Children Vs Theft

I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to post this because I was really angry about it at the time, but here goes. During the Dickens Christmas celebrations in Rochester, as I stood, teeth chattering and freezing my arse off while Phil tried to shoot a King Kong-sized teddy (or something), I watched a woman working another stall. It was a booze stall. You pay money for hoops. You throw the hoops at the bottles of booze. If the hoop lands over the bottle, you win it. Simple? I don't think so. This woman was taking money from kids who looked to be about 14, and were certainly no older than 16.

Scenario A - Child gets hoop over bottle and woman supplies child with alcohol.

Scenario B - Woman knows it's not possible to get hoop over bottle (hence lack of concern regarding supply of alcohol to children) and takes the child's money anyway (along with everyone else's), i.e. theft.

So I ask myself, is it better to supply children with alcohol or just steal their money? And how can this theft be justified at a council-run event? And how does that woman sleep at night? As I wandered off, I came across a couple of policemen, but when I looked back at the booze stall, there were no punters. I considered boring the policemen with my theories but I was too cold. So I went home and raided my son's piggy bank. Well, I'd run out of cider.

17/04/09

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Desolation Row - Second Shoot

Ezra Pound and T S EliotEzra Pound and T S Eliot

We did the second Desolation Row shoot yesterday. In the afternoon, though still not late enough for some, apparently ;-). We still had a fair few people turn up, some at the beginning and some nearer the end. This obviously meant two trips to the pub. We did a couple of interviews and a bit of singing by the river. There was even a glorious moment when I thought that security were coming to tell us off, but even the prospect of a gnarly confrontation couldn't quite distract me from the fact that I needed a wee again and it was bloody freezing.

But more annoying than the weather, was the missing Bob Dylan; the second one had been painted over too. He'd been stencilled onto a filled in railway arch on a scrubby bit of wasteland, so who would paint over it and why? Given that other graffiti had been left behind, including an indecipherable, artistically-devoid tag about six feet high, I was a bit mystified as to why Bob had been removed.

The only theory I could come up with was this: It was too artistic. And who would care enough to remove something brilliant and leave behind all the crap to remind us all how much Medway needs regeneration? The council? I reckon so. We can't have the general public seeing validity in vandalism. By leaving the crap behind, the council can manipulate the public into believing that all graffiti is ugly, pointless vandalism. If people saw Bob, they would have to conclude that art takes many forms and actually graffiti is as valid as any other. But no! The council can't have that. It also can't have local musicians performing at the castle concerts. It must import McFly. What the fuck?

30/03/09

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Desolation Row - First Shoot

artistic licensePhoto by Garry Jenkins

I don't think any of us knew what to make of the first Desolation Row shoot. Sunday 15th March saw an assortment of creative locals - musicians, photographers, film makers, writers, artists and designers traipsing around the forgotten stretch of the Chatham/Rochester Hight Street. I won't bore you with the motives behind the project because I've ranted a fair bit about that already.

Suffice to say, many of the invited musicians didn't turn up at an ungodly 10am. On a Sunday. We'll schedule the next one for the afternoon, I think. We are lucky that more people didn't turn up, to be honest. It looked something like a school trip had cross-pollinated with the Pied Piper story as it was. I think it  became clear pretty quickly to everyone there that our plan was to make it up as we went along. The only certainty was that we would end up at the pub - surely enough to sustain anyone's interest.

Our only disappointment was that the Bob Dylan which had been stencilled onto the side of the Jade Garden by local street artist, Redlock, had been painted over. A real shame as it was the only thing breaking up the ghastly shade of Dull that the rest of the building was painted in. Still, dull is not only the accepted norm in this town, but the desired outcome of the council's regeneration plans; an homogenised lump of "any town" stuck between London and the coast (sorry, can't seem to help myself). Luckily, we'd heard of a second Bob Dylan painted on Bath Hard Lane and, luckier still, it remained intact. We found Bob to be wonderfully photogenic and a real hit with the ladies.

After a magnificent and cheap lunch at the Nag's Head, it was time to say goodbye to everyone. Perhaps a few people left us utterly bewildered, but hopefully with a sense that they had become part of something quite exciting. In any case, we are grateful to all who came for their support, and happy they chose to join us so early on a Sunday. Well, it's back to the cyanide hole for now, at least until the circus comes back to town...

17/03/09

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Desolation Row

Work has already begun on Medway Eyes' most ambitious project yet - Desolation Row. The project is in its planning stage and ideas are just bouncing out all over the place. Photographic work is scheduled to commence in March, at which point various Medway artists will be roped in to play their part. There will be an online exhibition to accompany this project, a gig (probably), and a book launch. June, hopefully.

The idea for this project has its roots in my earlier photographic studies of Chatham High Street. I felt saddened by the dreary, abandoned shop fronts. Other people seem only to have noticed the demise of the high street when their local Marks & Spencer moved out, or more recently when the mighty Woolworths finally closed its doors to the pick 'n' mix munching public. An idea sprung into my brain as I wandered the length of the high street, an idea which has grown into a monster with Phil's input.

I am not happy about the "regeneration" of the Medway Towns. I will explain why in due course. I have registered my disgust with the council, along with countless others, no doubt. My comments will be hidden in a locked vault with everyone else's, the same locked vault they use to hide the plans that "have been on public display for months", about which, the council alleges, nobody has taken an interest. In the Summer of 2007, I went along to a caved out ex-Christmas tat shop to the council's public presentation/consultation. I was presented with three almost identical views of what Chatham Riverside could look like with a little vision - perhaps if you had the vision of a Teletubby, this might be so but, given my human credentials, all I saw were the sterile spewings of a Japanese architect with no love for my town; no respect for it. All three plans involved the construction of enormous, ugly towers which destroyed the views along the river. An enormous hotel was set to deprive the Command House of its sunsets, but then many factors have recently deprived the Command House of a lot of things, including punters, an atmosphere and beer that tastes like beer (but that's another story). The people who have been living in their boats along the Medway will be moved on. As if they are the ghastly eyesores of Medway! Let's not forget that it was the bloody council that allowed the hideous monstrosity that is the Pentagon to be built. They ran out of the town hall pretty sharp-ish after that one.

Anyway, at this presentation thingy, I was accosted by a 12-year-old in a shirt and tie. I'm not sure who he had spent the day talking to, but he certainly seemed taken aback that I could think for myself. After about ten minutes, a triumphant look set his face aglow and he adopted the tone you might use at the bedside of a dying relative "I know why you're against it", he said. "You think you don't deserve it. You think Chatham doesn't deserve it". You fucking what? What kind of shit is that? If I wasn't so polite, I'd have slapped the whelp. I politely explained that the reason I was against it was because it was not for me. It was not designed for us. They aren't regenerating Medway for the people who live here, folks. They're trying to tempt more people in - people who can afford their fancy flats by the river, people who don't give a rat's arse about this town, people who don't care if it's turned into a carpark for the fucking Olympics.

Well, I fall head first into the category of people who do give a flying fuck. I don't want to watch the buildings along the Chatham/ Rochester high street crumble to the ground while newer, shinier and uglier ones are built a few feet away. And I don't want to be lied to about the council's motives. I don't want to be told that all this is for me. It's bollocks, and I'm not fooled.

And even if I didn't mind that the Theatre Royal has been ripped apart or that Sun Pier has been left to sink, there is another very good reason why our towns should be left alone, best illustrated by Graham Day, one of Medway's finest and most revered musicians. In his words, "Maybe it's the drab outlook, the lack of investment, prospects or anything to do which has given rise to so many bands over the years; a natural uprising of creativity and desire to forge a life out of nothing?"

Take our shit towns away and the only artists left will be those who suck the council's dick for arts grants. Art isn't something that can only be sanctioned by local government; that only becomes art when it is on a wall being adored by fuck-witted droolbots. It is something that lives in the blood. In the river. And in the heart of these rotting towns.

(Graham Day quote lifted from the sleeve notes of the Paisley Polka Dot Picnic Party CD. Buy it immediately!)

10/01/09

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Medway Eyes on Facebook

I've just set up a Medway Eyes group on Facebook for anyone interested in the arts in Medway. For those of you who don't know, Medway Eyes was the promoter behind the extremely successful Look At Medway exhibition which was held at The Brook Theatre gallery throughout October 2008. To view the Medway Eyes website, please click here. If you fancy it, you can join the mailing list for updates as there are a fair few events planned for 2009.

05/11/08

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My Arse about Face

Now I could come over all revisionist and delete what I said about facebook back in January (see post below), but I won't. It will be much more fun to publicly declare myself a twat so you can all have a laugh as I fall off my cybersnob pedestal. So here goes..... I have gone and done it - I have joined the last haven of the talentless and desperate, as I believe I called it. Don't get me wrong, I haven't changed my mind about facebook. I still think it's full of people who have nothing better to do than talk about Eastenders as if it's their actual life. But some of my very favourite people are there, some of the people I love the best and miss the most. 

So today, with nothing better to do than talk about Eastenders, and finding that I could not do so because I don't watch it, I joined facebook - or face arse as one of my 'new' old friends calls it. 

Prone to ranting as I am, I'm sure I'll be back to chew your ear off about the absurdities of the facebook site fairly soon. In the meantime, I would urge anyone, but particularly photographers, to read the terms and conditions under which you upload pictures to the site. Facebook appears to operate outside of conventional copyright laws. Apparently, it has the right to alter, crop or otherwise modify any images uploaded to the site for its own self-promotional purposes. So I'm not sure I'll be uploading any photos other than my profile picture to facebook., although I might change my mind about that.

Anyway, before I hang my head in shame for the rest of my life, I'm off to see if anyone loves me. I had an impressive 8 friends at the last count. Please feel free to ridicule me as publicly as you deem fit for this one. Go on, I deserve it.

P.S. Please make sure you own the copyright to any photo you upload to facebook or anywhere else, or that it has a creative commons license , or you could find your arse being well and truly sued.

25/09/08

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Things that piss me off about Flickr

I am a member of an online photographic community called Flickr, which is a source of pleasure for me, but also a certain amount of frustration. The website itself is brilliantly put together and easy to navigate, unlike facebook (or the last haven of the talentless and desperate as it is otherwise known), which has the frustration factor of buying a jigsaw at Oxfam only to find most of the bits are missing and the box is full of bits of bland, beige carpet. No, what it is about Flickr that really annoys me is all the photo fascists and other assorted morons. I've pasted in some actual comments from fellow Flickr users, not necessarily comments made about my photos, but ones that have driven me to rant about them anyway.

"Post-production makes photographs completely invalid in my view"  - This is because you are a moron, and only one half of your brain works. Your view is invalid and so are you.

"Photos taken on auto focus should be deleted" - You should be deleted.

"Nice flower shot. Shame about the building in the background" - You know, you're absolutely right. Next time, I'll bulldoze the 14th century castle to the ground, just so you can admire the common pink flower better. Just stop it right now because God knows you're a wanker.

"I'm not in love with the girl. I don't like her expression. Score 4/10" - You don't have to fancy her, you mong. I'm not asking you to shag her. This was posted in a score my candid shot group and was about one of my photos which had, up to this point, scored 36/40. It really pissed me off because the shot posted by this person was not a real candid. It was an extreme close up, taken on auto from about 3 feet away. Just because the subject was looking away from the camera, it doesn't mean they didn't know it was there. This person also followed their photo with a wanky explanation that made me vomit into my wellies, because they were nearest.

I don't like it when people with DSLRs treat people without DSLRs like vermin, and laugh at our cameras and call them 'bits of junk'. Having a DSLR does not make a photographer. Creativity, vision and passion make a good photographer stand out from the crowd, and some of my favourite photos have been taken on a £3 plastic camera. I am not slagging DSLRs off or all the lovely people who use them, just the super-smug arseholes.

There are a lot of Flickr members, particularly in the States, who use Flickr as a platform to promote Christianity. It really bugs me. The good Christian congregation of a local church recently threw out a member because they found out he had bought a lottery ticket - judgemental arseholes! One woman, from the same church, when recently asked how she was feeling, replied "I don't know. Jesus hasn't told me yet". Now that's fucking dangerous. It's not that we can't hear your message or that we don't understand it. Some of us have tried to swallow it, but find it unpalatable. Some of us like to make up our own flavours.

OK, I'm nearly done. My final bugbear is the fisherman-whore. This is my  most endearing term for those people who whore their photos in a million groups, then wait for the gullible fish to bite. I have been a gullible fish myself, on occasion, and a whore on many others, but only in a very mild sense. The photos posted by the fisherman-whore are generally quite good, but there is often a second and more annoying element to these posts that drives me completely insane - what I call the 'whore's gusset' - pseudo-poetic bollocks dribbling beneath the image. What happens is this; the fisherman-whore posts a sometimes brilliant photograph followed by the whore's gusset of all pretentious prose, and everyone fawns all over it, and proclaims the originator the new messiah. And the photo is given 5 hearts, 7 stars, 6 bunnies, 12 teddies, 8 moons, 8 emmys, 5 oscars, a golden globe and a partridge in a fucking pear tree. Is this really what photography means to you? Is one moon not enough for you? Or one heart? Well, you can keep your awards fella, but know this - you are a wanker.

Big deep breath. And I'm all done.

15/01/08

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Catching Fairies

Rainy Reflections

The day I took the photo above was the day that I really got hooked on photography. I was trying to explain to a friend yesterday what photography means to me, and in particular how I felt when I took this photo. My friend was with me at the time, but I don't think she realised what a profound effect it had on me. For some reason (perhaps it was the cider) I was unable to put this into words. But essentially, it is this; it was knowing that I alone had spotted these reflections in the pavement - amid the rushing crowd, I alone had stopped to stare in wonderment. It made me feel special - like I understood the world. It was showing us all something beautiful, but nobody had noticed. Just me. I couldn't find those words yesterday. Yesterday, I told my friend it was like catching a fairy.

08/01/08

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Happy New Year!

I just wanted to tell you about my exciting new purchase. Last night, I won a brilliant vintage camera on eBay. I say won. Obviously, this is worth a snigger. You don't win stuff on eBay - you pay for it. But believe me - my new camera is a real prize. I'm hoping it will arrive by the end of the week, at which point it will be subjected to attack from my tape measure in order to build a rather special contraption. More about that later.


As much as I've enjoyed lounging about this Christmas, I can't wait to get back on the streets with my trusty Kodak - just going for a walk and finding a picture. Something of the nature of taking a photograph, of capturing a moment in time, stays with you long after the shutter is released. As the scene dissolves, as the world changes around me, I find myself grinning, because I have caught a memory inside my camera. And if you are lucky, I will share it with you. But only if you are very, very good.

Anyway, whatever 2008 brings you, make the most of it. I will be.

31/12/07 Almost Midnight